


beautiful but torn

by roami



Series: Fic Dump [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Uchiha Sasuke-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-11 12:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19110007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roami/pseuds/roami
Summary: Sasuke wants to right his wrongs.





	beautiful but torn

**Author's Note:**

> warning: lots of self-depreciation

Sasuke sat in his cell. A straight jacket kept him from moving much and a seal was wrapped tightly around his head, over his eyes.

 

He deserved it. The war had ended barely a month ago. Up until then, Sasuke had been trying to destroy the Hidden Leaf. He knew that he should've been executed a long time ago. The only reason he was alive right now was because Naruto wanted him to be.

 

Naruto Uzumaki, the only person Sasuke had ever considered a friend. He was almost as close to Sasuke as Itachi had once been. Sakura used to be his teammate, sure, but Sasuke had always found her a little annoying. He definitely had no right to judge, but he still didn't consider Sakura as anything even close to a friend.

 

Sasuke lived for Naruto. Quite literally, in fact. The blond was the only reason Sasuke was alive right now. Right before the war officially ended, Sasuke and Naruto had… fought. It was supposed to be a fight to the death, but that didn't happen. They _had_ ripped off each other's arms, though. It was the first time Sasuke had ever not won. The first time Sasuke had really, absolutely lost. He'd been ready to die, even to kill himself that day. But Naruto had told him something. That if Sasuke was willing to die anyway, he might as well live, if only for Naruto’s sake. Sasuke didn't have the right to say no.

 

Sasuke didn't have the right to anything, at this point.

 

A clanging of metal caught Sasuke’s attention. Two pairs of loud footsteps and powerful chakra signatures walked into the cell to stand in front of the last Uchiha. Sasuke followed them with his head since he couldn't exactly use his eyes.

 

“Sasuke,” a voice said. A voice that he now recognized as Ibiki, the head of interrogation. Someone was beside him, someone that Sasuke knew he knew but couldn't place thanks to the various seals on his body.

 

“You're being let go,” Ibiki said. Sasuke breath stopped short. He was being released? After everything he'd done, he was being released? Sasuke wasn't sad he wouldn't rot in this cell for the rest of his worthless life, but he couldn't understand what kind of idiot would want him to be free.

 

“Those 'idiots’ would be me and Naruto,” a new voice spoke. Kakashi. Sasuke couldn't remember when exactly he'd stopped referring to the man as 'sensei’ in his head, or if he'd ever called him sensei at all. His memories were jumbled and broken and he wasn't sure why, but it _almost_ scared him. Sasuke also hadn't realized he'd spoken out loud.

 

“...Oh,” Sasuke said. He wondered if he should apologize, but that seemed unsightly. However, Naruto would probably yell something about him being an asshole and demand an apology. “Sorry,” Sasuke said after a long pause. Kakashi didn't respond. Sasuke bit his tongue, knowing he'd humiliated himself again.

 

Sasuke felt the seal around his eyes loosening, and then the cloth being pulled off his head. The hair that had been pushed down sprang back up immediately, which Sasuke always found to be a strange quality.

 

His eyes started hurting almost immediately, causing him to hang his head while biting down various swears. The throbbing ended as quickly as it had started, but still left Sasuke with a dull ache behind his eyelids.

 

“I need to go,” Kakashi said just as Ibiki stepped forward to remove the straight jacket. “I'll leave the clothes here. Meet me in my office when you're ready, Sasuke.” The silver-haired ninja set a pile of dark gray clothes on the bed and walked out.

 

“Where's his office?” Sasuke asked Ibiki while the man removed the straight jacket.

 

“He's the sixth Hokage,” Ibiki replied. Sasuke nodded. He wasn't too surprised by the news as he knew Kakashi was in line to be a Hokage. It was only a matter of time. The straight jacket came loose, leaving it hanging onto Sasuke by only the sleeves. Underneath, he was in hospital clothes which he never remembered wearing. “I'll leave you to change.”

 

Ibiki left, although now that the seals were gone Sasuke could sense that he was waiting by the exit. Sasuke quickly pulled on the outfit, a full-sleeved gray t-shirt and matching pants. He put on the black boots that kind of resembled his old ones. On his way out, he slipped on a black cloak.

 

Ibiki led him out of the prison in stark silence. Sasuke briefly wondered when he'd be able to get new weapons, but he assumed it wouldn't be too long. As many crimes as he had committed, he had been a key factor in ending the war. Plus Naruto, a major part of the war, was vouching for Sasuke. Not only that, but Kakashi was the Hokage. Sasuke had been pardoned greatly.

 

When Kakashi was done explaining the details of his release, Sasuke went to collect his weapons. He thought the council was being too lenient. He knew they must have some ulterior motive, but he wasn't inclined to find out what it was.

 

Sasuke would be leaving immediately, and he didn't have any qualms about that. Staying in the village—spending his free time in the village—was out of question. There were too many people here, too many memories, and too much regret. He'd swallowed his guilt for now and he knew he'd have to come to peace with it eventually.

 

Kakashi escorted him to the village gate. Sakura was waiting there. Apparently, word had spread about his release. Sasuke took a moment to consider her. He didn't find that there was much difference from their genin days. She hadn't lost the crush she'd had on him which was… unfortunate. One would think that after all that time, after everything he'd done to her and to others, she'd at least _try_ to move on.

 

Sasuke bid his farewells, not wasting too much time on either of them. The sooner he got out of this village, the better. Sasuke also had a particular affinity for traveling, so he was itching to get going.

 

He was two miles out when he spotted Naruto, leaning against a tree with a grim look on his face. Sasuke didn't approach him, but slowed to a stop. Naruto didn't move from his place so they could talk face-to-face, but then again, neither did Sasuke.

 

“I came to give you this,” Naruto said, pushing himself off the tree after a moment of tense silence. Sasuke turned, looking at the hitai-ate. There was no spark of emotion within him. He didn't see the meaning behind it, and he wasn't sure he even wanted it back. It served him no purpose and didn't mean anything to him at all. It was just a piece of metal attached to a piece of cloth. Sasuke reached out and took it.

 

“I'll hang on to it,” he said, sticking it into his pocket. He'd probably tie it onto his belt eventually, as soon as he figured out how to tie knots with one hand. That is, if he didn't lose it before then.

 

Naruto looked at him expectantly, but Sasuke had nothing to give and nothing to say, so they stood there, staring at each other before Naruto sighed and stuffed his hand in his pocket.

 

“Do you… want… something…?” Sasuke asked cautiously. Naruto was clearly trying to convey something, but Sasuke wasn't good at communication unless it involved violence or blunt remarks. Naruto sighed again.

 

“I want to travel. Help people outside of Konoha, you know,” Naruto said, looking at Sasuke through his eyelashes. Sasuke felt a strange pull in the pit of his stomach. His mind was reeling. It was becoming quite clear that Naruto had something to say but didn't want to say it outright. Sasuke knew the feeling, but he couldn't piece together what Naruto was trying to tell him.

 

“So… you're going to…” Sasuke trailed off, hoping Naruto finished the sentence since he himself had no idea what Naruto wanted to do. Maybe Naruto would have some (more) mercy and just tell him rather than dancing around it.

 

“Bastard,” Naruto muttered. Sasuke figured he wasn't supposed to hear, because Naruto continued a second later. “I want to travel _with someone_.”

 

Sasuke would be an idiot if he hadn't caught on right then. Still, he must've been at least a little idiotic, since it only clicked after ten seconds of staring. Naruto wanted to go with Sasuke on his journey of atonement. The tug in his gut grew fierce and Sasuke felt sick. This was _his_ search for internal peace. _His_ mistakes that he wanted to redeem _himself_ for. He was certain he'd mentioned it at some point, so why did they want to come with him? First Sakura, and then Naruto. It had been easy to tell Sakura _no_ , to distance himself from her as much as he could, but it wasn’t so simple with Naruto. Naruto had a firm grip on his heart and a connection to his soul and a emotional attachment to him and it wasn't so easy to distance himself from his other half. It had torn Sasuke apart the first time, and his head hurt just thinking about leaving a second time, albeit on better terms.

 

“Okay,” Sasuke choked out, because he didn't want Naruto to come with him but he _did_ and this feeling that was weighing down his insides was absolutely overwhelming and—

 

He could feel Kakashi and Sakura’s gazes on him. He'd seen them off at the gate. Maybe they knew Naruto would make the offer. Maybe they wanted to make sure Naruto wasn't attacked. Maybe they wanted to see if Naruto would really leave.

 

Naruto didn't seem to catch on. That Sasuke was saying _yes_ and not just acknowledging his sentence.

 

“Listen, jerk. I'm not—”

 

Sasuke lowered his head. “I know,” he said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Okay.” Because he did not want to say yes, but he had to. He shouldn't—no— _couldn't_ deny anything that Naruto asked of him. So he settled for an acknowledgement and hoped that Naruto would shut up.

 

“Really?” Naruto asked, his eyes lighting up. Sasuke didn't look. If he saw the expression on Naruto's face, he would turn red. Then Naruto would know something was up and Sasuke’s facade would crack and he'd tell him that he—

 

No.

 

Sasuke bit his lip and angled his head so his bangs would shield him from Naruto's stare and Kakashi and Sakura’s ever-present gaze.

 

“Ah, all my stuff is back in Konoha,” Naruto said sheepishly. Sasuke still couldn't bring himself to look at him.

 

“You expected me to say no,” Sasuke realized, but the way he said it made it sound like a statement. Naruto had every right to doubt him, Sasuke knew that. He also knew that he _should've_ said no, but he couldn't say no to Naruto anymore. Not after what he'd done. His empty left sleeve was a painful reminder of that. Whenever he had doubts about what he should be doing he would look at the stub and be reminded of what exactly he had to make up for.

 

“No, it's not that!” Naruto said frantically, flailing a bit. “I just forgot and—”

 

“The prosthetic is going to be finished soon,” Sasuke said. Naruto paused in his flailing, eyes flitting to his arm and then Sasuke’s left side which was covered by his cloak.

 

“I know that,” Naruto said, a hint of something akin to anger in his voice but it wasn't quite angry. “I can get it when we visit again.”

 

Any of Sasuke’s sensible thoughts came screeching to a halt. “Visit?”

 

“Yeah, visit,” Naruto said like it was obvious. “What, were you planning to only come back on orders?”

 

Sasuke’s gaze dropped again. Naruto's eyes widened but Sasuke wasn't looking.

 

“You… you go on ahead,” Naruto said after a silence. “I'll catch up with you. Just don't go to fast. Uh… don't run, just… walk, you know? Yeah,” Naruto said, fumbling with his words. Before Sasuke got a chance to feel bad or respond Naruto jumped into the nearest tree and began to run towards the village. Sasuke stood there for a count of twenty before clawing away the guilt from the back of his throat. Then he took deliberately slow steps forwards, trying to make this sink in. Trying to make Konoha feel normal again. Trying to make _Naruto_ feel normal again.

 

Sasuke was used to no mercy, unabashed comments, and full preparation to be backstabbed. Taka had been the last people Sasuke had felt comfortable with, but there was something different about them. Getting used to having to trust Naruto completely again was all too easy but far too hard at the same time. Easy because Naruto was Naruto, hard because Sasuke was a criminal, how could he trust someone like that again? The last time he'd trusted someone so much, that person had turned around and slaughtered his family. Yes, it had been ordered, yes, Sasuke still loved Itachi, and yes, Itachi was trying to protect him. Sasuke knew that. But Sasuke had been seven and he had branded it into himself for nine years that he couldn't trust anyone ever again. That kind of thing left scars that Sasuke couldn't get rid of.

 

Kakashi and Sakura had gone so Sasuke eased up a bit. He began to take smaller steps, eyes downcast. He didn't know what had happened to his old team after the war, and that was another spark to ignite the blaze of soul-sucking guilt. He'd stabbed Karin and he could somewhat justify that to himself. Danzo had to die. Danzo was too important to not die. If he hadn't stabbed Karin he couldn't have killed Danzo. It was the fact that he'd tried to kill her after because she was a ‘liability’ that really ate at him. She'd helped him so much he couldn't express it. She'd spent the majority of her own chakra healing him just before the fight and it was no wonder that she hadn't been able to dodge Danzo and Sasuke had considered her weak. He hated himself for it (among other things). All she'd gotten for that was a half-assed ‘sorry’. The first thing he would do was go and properly apologize to her.

 

He also hadn't properly thanked Suigetsu for taking a bijuudama for them. He hadn't apologized for ditching him and Juugo at the Five Kage Summit. He should thank Juugo, even though the man considered his only reason to live to protect Sasuke.

 

The only problem was that Sasuke had barely gotten out of jail and he had no idea where Karin or Suigetsu or Juugo were. However, Naruto probably had some idea. He'd have to wait for him to get back.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this so long ago it's crazy.


End file.
